another moral hangover. fuck.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
