I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
