I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
