And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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