Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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