What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize