You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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