hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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