I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
