I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
