I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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