So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
