You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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