We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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