You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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