New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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