everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
