So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
