so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
