dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
