We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
