4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
