I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I'm really busy with my period
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