Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize