I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize