she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
