Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
