HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
