Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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