i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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