Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
