I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
