What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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