Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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