Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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