I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize