to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
