its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
