In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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