In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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