Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
