There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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