That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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