I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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