Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
