I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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