the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
