i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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