Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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