I could have mohawked her pubes.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
