I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize