Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
