just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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