I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
