Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
