last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
