i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
