please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
