Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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