tell your sister to shave her snatch
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize