You really coming over, don't trick.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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