hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
