I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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