someone threw a dead crab at me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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