Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
