They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
