We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
