Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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